The Failure To Communicate

I agree with the first part.

A failure to communicate is the basis for all relationship breakdowns – in families, romantic relationships, at work – you name it. If it's not working out, it's because we can't find common ground.

But the second part I wonder about.

Is it that we just can't reach some people and that the failure is theirs, or have we, in fact, failed?

We may not be obliged to find a solution or be sufficiently motivated to do so. We might be happy with the status quo or simply rely on demanding compliance from others. But in the event that we have responsibility to develop an organisation, finding and/or facilitating solutions is our job.

The old school way used to be, get in line or get out, do it or else. It was akin to Captain's solution in the 1967 movie Cool Hand Luke. Top-down autocratic leadership.

That might work for a while, but when the shit hits the fan, as it inevitably does at some point, the faultline in our communication capacity opens, and everyone falls in. The organisation, regardless of size, implodes.

A client asked me in a session recently – why can't people communicate? My answer was uncertainty and the associated fear. We are desperately afraid of that which we don't know. The bogeyman under your bed or the ghost in your closet.

Human beings don't like change because it has so many unknowns. We are pattern-recognition organisms. We love to form meaning and purpose from the things we do, and we thrive on it. Through our faculties of perception, we literally make shape, colour, and form through our interpretation of the environment.

We rely on repetition and predictability, but it is the reliance on these things that is our downfall. We risk becoming rigid and immovable, and where there is a dramatic change, we batten down the hatches and become locked in.

Unless that is, leadership can create an environment where there is enough change to stimulate cooperation and creativity but not too much to create uncertainty and fear. Building that environment is a difficult task and might bring about more short-term pain than is wanted. That said, we must start.

Someone must be willing to bring everyone together and start the conversation. Make the space safe. Encourage honesty, not finger-pointing. Get it out there, warts and all. Find out where the dark spots are, turn a light on and bring these issues into the open. Because once they are seen, and once there is acceptance amongst all parties that we'll never get it perfect, there may be the chance to see everyone clearly and remove the fear around what is unknown.

Remind yourselves of your mission, your reason for being, and why you are here. Set your values, your philosophy, and those principles that are at your foundation. Open things up, and get talking.

If you do, you'll begin to remove the invisible barriers that prevent progress, incite doubt, and create division. Sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes we need to connect at a level beyond words, but without that conversation and an environment of safety, effective communication can't begin.

If leadership is anything, it is the facilitation of an environment where communication can happen.